My dear friends,

Practicing gratitude is something that is very meaningful to me. I would even go so far as to say that it is one of my core values. I believe it helps me appreciate all of things that I am blessed with. It helps me to remember what is important to me and keeps things in perspective. In short, gratitude for me is uplifting and humbling.

About a week ago, I chose to end a relationship that was very important to me. There are so many things that are hard about this. He is one of my best friends and I care about him so, so much. He’s a fantastic man who always treats me well and appreciates me exactly as I am. I am completely smitten with him. However, we found ourselves at a cross roads. We are two people who even though we care so much about each other and have so much good in our relationship, have also discovered that we are in different places in our lives, wanting different things. Separation seemed like the only answer, as there wasn’t really a compromise or a middle ground for our situation. I am heartbroken.

To say that the past week has been challenging is an understatement. I find it very difficult to just exist as each day passes. I do all that I can to hold it together at my job. Some days, I count down the minutes until I can go home and lay with Addie, snuggling my face deep into her fur, exhaling some of my pain and sadness, wanting her to hold onto it for me for a little while. Life seems to be spinning around me, as my personal clock ticks by, agonizingly slow. Being present remains the hardest of all, time spent with others is ladled with guilt, as I try to be engaged, but am unable to.

My biggest struggle has been around how to remain grateful when consumed with such sadness. I’d be lying if I said it isn’t tough. Normally, I am a person who is filled with love, peace and hope. Those things have a hard time existing among my sadness. However, I feel strongly that it is when we are at an all time low that that is when self care becomes the most important. It is easy to be grateful when everything is going right. When life hits so hard that it takes your breath away, then is the time to practice gratitude daily, hourly, by the minute. I’ve been pushing myself to remain true to this idea. To wake up each morning and focus on what the day could bring, and reflect and recount on all the good that happened as the day winds down. I am so committed to this that I posted a sign on the back of my bedroom door that states, “something wonderful is going to happen today.”

Today, something wonderful did happen. A really big proposal at work passed. I am beyond ecstatic. As I celebrated with co-workers and began to start pounding out the details with my supervisor, I forgot about my sadness. For one whole hour, I didn’t have trouble breathing because of the overwhelming pain in my chest. I didn’t have to focus on my breath, or silently chant to myself, “breathe in light, exhale love.” For one whole hour today I was able to feel a sense of normalcy. This realization brought some comfort. Time promises to pass, life will continue to happen. Each new day brings a new beginning. Every day will get a little easier.

I’m sure a little while down the road I’ll be able to figure out the lessons I’ve learned from this experience. My strong belief that everything happens for a reason will help me to connect the dots. But for now, I commit to taking the very best care of myself and to continue to practice gratitude even when it seems impossible.

Today I am grateful for:
Practicing kindness, gratitude and utilizing the law of attraction to get through this heartbreak.
Very loud music to drown out my swirling thoughts.
Hard work paying off.
Writing it out.