This past week has been a doozy. Somehow, I don’t think I can sum up what has gone down. I feel like I’ve been dragged through the emotional ringer. Lots of things happened that I won’t get into, but it was one thing after another and I feel beaten down.

Now is the time to do great self care. Here’s what I’ve done so far today.

Listened to music painfully loud.
Drove really fast with the windows down.
I cried. I angrily wrote.
I danced. I sang.
I snuggled with Adder.
I made myself a delicious meal and ate it slowly and in silence.
I went for a long walk.
I talked for a while with my Papa and a couple of close friends.
I went to work and tried to focus on the here and now, a huge feat on its own.

Here’s the thing. I’m still not okay. And you know what? I think that it’s okay that I’m not okay. I’d like to believe that all of this self care can make my pain go away, but it can’t. It has definitely eased it. However, it doesn’t change my situation. So, here’s what I’d like y’all to know. Take the best care you can of yourself when you’re hurting. Be easy with yourselves. Gentleness is what you need.

‘Cause I’ve spent the day spinning thoughts around in my head like a rock tumbler, hoping they’ll come out smoother and with less rough edges. Being really hard on myself to figure this out. To sort out what makes sense and what doesn’t, to see what patterns have emerged and what’s new. And then after that, make lists so that I can tackle each category separately. I’m being harder on myself that is necessary. If I were a good friend, I’d tell myself to be a little nicer to me.

What I need to do is tell my brain to shut the hell up. To tell the part of me that wants to talk to take a hike for a while. I need to focus in on me. So that’s what I plan to do. I’ve got a trip planned. I can’t wait to get some distance from Philly. I’m hoping along with some days off I’ll gain some clarity.

Be well friends.
Lots of love, light and warm hugs.