I woke this morning, before my alarm. Stretched well and then snuggled with Adder for a bit. After taking her for a long walk. I set up in my kitchen. I had a couple of different dips to make for a couple of BBQs. I threw on Pandora and was greeted by Norah Jones covering Randy Newman’s “I Think It’s Gonna Rain Today.” Something about her voice speaks to me. After the song was over, I Youtubed it so I could listen to it. Turns out I listened to nothing else for the entire two hours I was in the kitchen. 

As I chopped and mixed, I thought a lot. Next to showering and going for a run, being in the kitchen is where I do some great thinking. I thought about how I have been straddling so many lines lately. Lines between knowing what is best for myself and sometimes being my own saboteur. Lines between feeling okay with being alone and getting sucked down into the worst kind of loneliness. Lines between loving people with my whole heart, falling in love with complete strangers everywhere I go, and keeping distance from those who really care about me, building up wall after wall around my heart. Lines between feeling like I have all the time in the world and no time at all. Lines between authenticity and protection. I’d like to tell you that I solved all the problems in my little world while chopping. However, all I came out with was some delicious guacamole.

Afterwards, I cleaned off my beloved green chair. It has become a closet of sorts, holding the clothes that I never fold. However, I’ve been trying to be conscious of cutting down on my life clutter, since I’ve been feeling so mentally cluttered lately. Everytime I walk into my room, I feel a sense of peace when I look at what used to be an unusable piece of furniture. I made some time to read in it today, the breeze blew in as I sipped some coffee. It was complete bliss.

Life continues on friends, no matter what. I’m learning new rhythms and lyrics all the time.

Today I am grateful for:
Appreciating my own company.
Savoring slowness.
Music on repeat, repeat, repeat.

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