Wow.

You may have seen several videos of these guys circling around the interwebs around the holidays. They’re a powerhouse who do spectacular covers. This one brought tears early on a Friday morning. Enjoy.

http://www.superstarmagazine.com/pentatonix-sing-say-something-like-you-have-never-heard-before/

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Dear friends,

I’ve seriously injured myself playing floor hockey recently and it’s been a tough road. A road that’s only going to get tougher as I consult with surgeons and physical therapists. It’s funny how I’ve taken my health, able body and knees for granted. Walking with crutches and a full leg brace is a huge pain. I’m uncomfortable and frustrated. I have a new understanding of people who struggle with chronic pain. I’ve got this low level, constant, dull ache. It’s enough to cause me to be teetering on the edge of irritation almost all of the time.

I’m in a dark place. I’ve been feeling really down and sorry for myself. Focusing on all the reasons why this blows so much. This injury is significantly impacting my life. I’ve had to bail on two races, cancel two out of town trips and potentially cancel an out of the country trip later this summer. Long term injuries and sicknesses can take a toll on the dedication to choose happiness and focus on the positive.

This dark place leads me to other dark places. One I’ve grown accustomed to over the past several months. Lots of inactivity and idleness are not good for my sad heart. I want a certain someone to know that I’m hurt and I can’t figure out why. It’s not like he would have the answers or be able to cure me in anyway. I’ve been doing so well lately in terms of focusing on me. I’ve blocked this person on all social media. I’ve been able to fade the part of me that always wonders how he’s doing and tune out the familiar feeling in my stomach that tugs at my heart every time I’m reminded of him. I’ve been doing better. So why now? Why during this tough time? I’ve got handfuls of people that are helping and taking care of me in the best way possible. I don’t need anyone else. Especially not someone who has shown over time that I don’t mean as much as I thought that I did.

Not to worry friends, even among all of this darkness, there are many things to be grateful for.

Today I am grateful for:
The support and love of my Philly friends. They’ve gone above and beyond to help me. People offer to drive me places. Friends show up at my door with lots of hugs and good company. I am the luckiest person to have such an amazing support network.
My family. From all over, calling and asking how they can help from afar. It is good to feel loved.
Health insurance and the care of good doctors.
Addie. With her persistent cuddling and nuzzles.

Today I am grateful for:

A new month. The confirmation that time is indeed passing.

Snow days! This winter has been so amazing. I love the snow so much. I love watching it twirl and fall outside the window. I love running in it. I love the way the big flakes stick to my eyelashes. And I love, love, love unexpected days off. They are a gift to me after a long work week.

Hosting people in my home. I’ve gotten some really nice compliments about how warm and inviting my apartment is. I have friends that live in the suburbs who see my apartment as their home in the city.

Recreational leagues. Even though I’m not any good at floor hockey or bocce, it’s still really fun to play with a bunch of good pals.

Puppy paw prints in the snow.

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This girl. Always this girl.

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Today I am grateful for:

New shoes! Something about new shoes, man. Puts extra pep in my step.
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Playing cards. Especially playing cards with my parents. It was an every morning occurrence when I visited them over the holidays and I loved it.
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Coffee dates with one of my favorites, spent talking, giggling and getting down deep into the hard stuff. And then stumbling upon this gem in the bathroom. Perfection.
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Simple foods. Pictured here: peanut butter oatmeal with pan fried honeyed bananas and a sprinkle of cinnamon. I made this! Whoa dudes. I am in full support of you stopping whatever it is that you’re doing to go and make this for yourself. It is so, so, so yummy. Also, I love whenever Ryan can join me for breakfast. This mug cracks me up every time.
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Reading and thinking and learning and healing. I loved this post:

http://www.thoughtcatalog.com/chelsea-fagan/2013/03/how-we-let-people-go

Happy 2014, friends.

I spent my New Years Eve in New York City with a great friend. I needed to get out of Philly. I wanted to be surrounded by strangers. I felt excited to be amongst so many people. The energy was electrifying. Everywhere I looked, people were so happy and filled with love. I experienced lots of kindness in New York. I’m glad I decided to spend my night there.

While I was walking down the street arm in arm with my company, I caught the eye of a beautiful man sitting at a bar. We held eye contact for the entire length of the building, smiles slowly creeping across our faces. Neither of us broke contact, holding our gaze, taking each other in. And just as I got to the end of the window where I wouldn’t be able to see him any longer, he mouthed to me, “Happy New Year” and smiled a gorgeous grin. I love moments like these. I love feeling connected to people I don’t know, to people I’ll never see again.

Last year I started a tradition where I wrote down things that happened throughout the year on slips of paper and stored them in a jar. Tonight, I lit a candle and dumped them all out on my bed. I read each slip, a smile playing across my lips as I read some, tears springing to my eyes as I read others. I had an overall sense that this past year was a good one. There were so many little moments that I would’ve forgotten about had I not written them down. I highly suggest trying this. It was a nice way to recap the year. My favorite one: “trusting my gut. being brave. taking risks for love.”

I have so many hopes for you and me, friends. May this year ahead be the best one you’ve ever had. May it be filled with love, lots of laughter and peace. May you experience more light than darkness, and when darkness inevitably comes, I hope you feel surrounded and supported by the people who care about you. Remember to take struggle and heartache in stride and know that it is leading you somewhere great, even if the very idea feels impossible. There are lessons to be learned in everything, if we’ll accept and trust them. Most importantly, I hope you don’t forget that you are loved.

I want to leave you with the song I listened to on repeat from NYC to Philly. This music moves me so. So much love and warm hugs to each of you.

I just learned that someone I went to middle and high school with passed away last week. We weren’t particularly close, so it doesn’t feel like a hard loss. Any life lost too soon is sad though. I’d like to take several moments over the next few days remembering him, remembering life the way it was ten years ago, reaching out to friends and connecting.

Death for me always brings about reflections on life. Running a checklist on the things that I’ve accomplished and the things still left to do. Thinking hard about my relationships. Feeling love for the people I’ve lost and appreciative of the people still here. It brings up a panick-y feeling that I need to tell everyone how much they mean to me. There are no guarantees in this life. The people who are important to us need to know how much we love them.

This one’s for you, Ron.

I’ve somehow found myself in the middle of letting go. I can see where I started, but have yet to see the end. Is there an end? Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. How has time passed so quickly and also so slowly? The heaviness has shifted around. I’ve begun to feel lighter. The pain is still there. It’s just duller now.

I’ve become a pro at pretending. At distracting, at filling my time. “Faking it until I make it.” Getting to know new people. Exploring their eyes, hoping to find answers that I hadn’t considered before. I’m not ready yet, but I really want to be. My heart keeps waiting, wanting to cling so hard to hope and faith and patience and love and fondness. “It isn’t fair,” my brain tells my heart, “it’s just not fair. We can’t wait anymore.”

I’ve been reading other people’s feelings about broken hearts. Hoping that somehow their words and thoughts will take over mine. I’d like to focus on theirs instead of my own. Being alone hurts. The silence is too much. Finding activities that help fill that space. Nothing quite fits. I’ll keep trying though. Maybe the space will get smaller.

I miss so many things.

Today I am grateful for:
Doing silly things.
Making choices that I don’t regret.
Loving the people who have chosen to stay in my life, over and over and over again. Kissing and squeezing and holding them tight. Thank you for loving me.

Today I am grateful for:

Receiving a check in the mail for a class that I taught. It’s not much, but it’s really cool. I’m getting paid to do something that I love!

My awesome co-workers.

A surprise delivery from a great friend. What a wonderful gift. They are gorgeous and smell AMAZING.

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This list. Something to think about as 2014 draws near.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2013/12/24-rules-for-being-a-human-being-in-2014/#pKi7FCEHsbLtQJsw.01

Today I am grateful for:

6th (!!!!) annual Cookiefest.
My apartment filled with my nearest and dearest friends.
Watching my friends talk and laugh together. I have the best friends in the whole world.
Sharing one of my favorite ways to show love: baked goods.
The way the scent of cookies lingers in my apartment.
Feeling surrounded by love.

Today I am grateful for:

The body’s healing process. I got a gnarly cut on my finger last week. It’s almost healed! I didn’t pay much attention to it either. What a miracle that our bodies take care of themselves in the way that they do.

Deep thoughts that occupy my brain. Thoughts like:
mindfulness about presence and taking an active role in my life.
the difference between setting an intention and having expectations.
abundance and The Universe.

Energy clearing and redistribution, much thanks to Sage and Reiki.

Salt and sand on icy sidewalks. I am not graceful at all, so, I’ve biffed it quite a few times already. I know that this number would be higher if the sidewalks weren’t properly treated for traction.

This song: