You are currently browsing the monthly archive for April 2013.

I’ve been learning lately how to slooooooow down. It’s really hard to do, but something that I feel is important. It has done wonders for my ability to be present.

Being involved in lots of different things has always been important to me. It keeps me busy and satiates my appetite to keep all parts of myself engaged. Because I have so many interests, I’m constantly getting involved in projects, volunteering and signing up for committees. I love to be surrounded by people with passion and drive, to share my ideas with different groups of people, to feel connected to so many communities.

The flip side of this is that I don’t take time for myself very often. Because I’m always on the go, I have a hard time being in the moment, slowing down and enjoying what’s happening right now. Instead, I’ll run lists in my head of things I need to do and people I need to call. It is a part of myself that I have struggled with, because the people I love deserve me fully in the moment. I don’t like feeling even a little bit “checked out.”

Over the past month, I’ve had the opportunity to get to know someone who helps me slow down. I’m learning to match someone else’s rhythm and it’s been a really fun process. Instead of wondering what’s next or what the plan is or, “where will we go, who will we see, what will we know?” I am enjoying just being in the moment and enjoying someone’s company. I’m loving the experience of getting to know someone at a pace that doesn’t feel like go, go, go!

Unexpectedly, the slowing down has helped quiet my mind in times that it would normally be extra chatty. I’ve been more caught up on my paperwork than I have been in months. With less mind chatter, I’ve been feeling more on my game with my clients, thinking about the cases in a whole new way that doesn’t feel so caught up in the chaos and anxiety that can come along with my job. Success!

Today I am grateful for:
constantly learning and growing.
practicing mindfulness and patience.
presence.
great, big smiles.

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I’ve been finding out over the past few months that the Universe always has my back. No matter what, I end up where I need to be.

Turns out that a broken heart can heal- even when it seems impossible.

That even though my heart is still tender and cautious, that it can get excited about and have a crush on a new person. That good people show up when I need them the most. Whether that’s a new crush, or an extra friendly barista. There are people everywhere with important messages to deliver. There are lessons to be learned and opportunities to grow from everywhere I turn.

I’ve been feeling so connected to people again. I am so glad to report that it didn’t take as long as I thought it was going to. That maybe, a broken heart helped to open me up in a way that I couldn’t understand possible at the time. That maybe the cracks and bruises, have created a stronger heart, one capable of even more amazing things than it was before.

What I know now is that even though it was awful, and it still hurts sometimes, I can get through incredible pain and sadness and come out on the other side more than okay. I have developed incredible skills to take care of myself. I have created an amazing web of people who love me when I forget to and who say exactly what I need to hear.

I’ve got so much love to give, friends. Feeling really curious and excited about what’s to come.

Today I am grateful for:
having more than enough.
love, love, love. everywhere.

It’s taken me a few days to sort out my thoughts on what happened at the Boston Marathon.

Lots of things that I’ve learned, I learned from being a Northeastern-er. I was born and raised in NH and have family not far from Boston. I learned to be loyal and stand by your family (and your teams!). I learned about and mastered biting sarcasm and wit. I learned to tell you exactly what I think without sugar coating it. Though this can be a tough pill to swallow, you always know where you stand with me. I’ve got a tough exterior, but am warm and fuzzy on the inside. This is all thanks to the spirit of the Northeast.

I spent countless nights at shows, dancing and singing my heart out. So many miles were walked on the streets, long and loud belly laughs shared on the T. Boston is a great city that holds even greater memories. To have something like this happen in a city so close to my home shook me to the core. I had to be extra careful not to immerse myself in it too much. I would’ve spent hours thinking about everyone I’ve ever known and what the likelihood was that they had been downtown on Monday.

As a therapist, I spend my days helping people sort through their own horrifying events. And at the end of the day, I can’t spend my evenings immersing myself in too much information and graphic images designed to instill fear and hopelessness. I refuse to fall into that trap. I need time and space to process how I feel, to wait out the waves of nausea and sadness. To interact with events like this individually, rolling them around in my brain over and over again. It takes a while to know how I feel, the things I want to take away, the messages I don’t want to incorporate.

What I continue to be impressed with all the time is this: people are incredibly resilient.

What happened on Monday is tragically awful and something I cannot comprehend. What it has proven to me though, is that people come together when it matters. That we stand strong together when times get tough.

I want to be a person who can focus on the good in people. To know that people, as a whole, are inherently good and look out for one another. This was proven true to me as I heard about people rushing into the blasts to help those that had been injured, of runners continuing to run to the hospital after finishing the marathon to donate blood, of people opening up their homes to strangers, of running communities all over coming together to support and send love.

That’s what my running community did. Last night, 3000 runners gathered to run together down one of the busiest streets in the city. These runners ran with heart, with determination, and strong messages that no matter what, you cannot fuck with us. We are a close knit community, one of the most supportive I’ve ever known. Complete strangers cheering each other on, waving signs, high-fiving, claps on the back, encouraging words, secret smiles. They carried messages of hope, love and light last night. To say I was moved is an understatement. I felt so proud to be part of Philly and the running community last night.

Today I am grateful for:
people with incredible spirits.
resiliency.
lots and lots of love.

I just had one of the best weekends that I’ve had in a long, long time. It was filled with good friends and new friends. Volunteering, shared meals and lots of lounging. I got to lay on my back in a park and watch the clouds float on by without a care in the world or a thought in my brain. I got to laugh long and loud and hard multiple times an hour. I snuggled and hugged. I felt tuned in and present during all of my interactions. I felt the best I have in months. 

Luckily for me,  all of this amazingness spilled over into my Monday. Today, was so relaxing that it almost didn’t feel like a work day! I felt connected, excited and so, so alive. Feels great, friends. 

Today I am grateful for:
Long runs that leave my muscles deliciously sore and my mind empty. 
New crushes.
Iced drinks. 
Lounging with friends in parks. 
Addie’s happy face. 
Beautiful writing that brings tears: http://www.tylerknott.com